W E L L N E S S // I read this article on @matermea blog by Yolánda L.C. Thompson about Mothers not being able to say no and all I could do is say…WOW. It’s a must read for sure. It truly resonated with me for so many reasons. This is me. This is her. This is you. My habit of always doing so much didn’t really become scary until I had some very real shit hit me smack dab in the face. See, years ago I experienced a blow when a mother figure to me experienced a brain aneurysm at the tender age of 50. She was vibrant, and beautiful and fly! This wasn’t supposed to be her path. But when I started to look back at her life, I realized she had so much on her plate, constantly, an abundant amount of stress and was working herself into the ground and then this…this horrible, unspeakable thing happened to her that stopped her in her tracks and changed everything for her and for everyone near and dear to her. Like her, my mom and countless other single mothers in that generation were the same way. They worked so so hard and did so much to provide for us, their children. But ultimately what I’ve seen is they paid a price. A very severe one.
Then shortly after that happened one of my very best friends died suddenly. That was a wake up call for me because she didn’t have to die. I spent so much time going over things in my head and I just knew that things could have been so different. Then a few years later another one of my best friends got really sick and I tried to wrap my head around what was happening. Then just last year ANOTHER one of my best friends got gravely sick and THAT just really solidified EVERYTHING for me. I already wasn’t in the best space, I felt unhealthy, I was negative and I had let myself go a bit. Just in that “blah” stage of unawareness and not being fully present. It became apparent and so very vital for me to prioritize my mind, body and spirit by focusing on a path to wellness. Not everyone knew the path I was on, understood it or welcomed it but none of that mattered to me because I knew that the universe would align me with people, things and situations that would match my vibration that would be beneficial to my well-being and not hinder it. I just started making changes in my life and some of those changes meant getting rid of toxic, unhealthy habits and relationships, distancing myself in order to see things more clearly and simply being ok with saying NO.
As hard as that is to do and even though it is still a struggle at times, I knew I had to be ok with saying no and not feeling bad about it or guilty or second guessing my decision but truly being ok with it and that’s where I am. We as mothers want to save the day, carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, be at every school performance or game, give our kids what we don’t have, be everyone’s savior and confidant. We sacrifice so much of ourselves, lose ourselves, let ourselves go, get beat up, stressed out, abused, disrespected, neglected and at the end of day we’re still trying to do more. But it just isn’t possible and I started to realize just how crazy all of that is. It is so incredibly scary to me the amount of stress we mother’s endure and try to manage and we don’t even realize that we’re losing ourselves in the process. I want me and my tribe to be healthy and happy and centered, not stressed and burdened and sick but I know it takes conditioning our mind to think differently so that we can behave differently.
What I know for sure is mental clarity, self-care and self-love has to come first if we want to be here to take care of our babies, our parents, our mates. And I also know for sure that when we love ourselves, truly love ourselves and put ourselves first, put our happiness and peace of mind first, we can then leave behind things that are unhealthy and poison to our spirits. People, Circumstances, Jobs, Tasks, Habits. Negativity. Gossip. My health, inner peace and balance is so important to me at this point in my life that I have put my intention into my wellbeing and into inspiring my friends and loved ones to do the same. I know its hard, I’m still learning but you get to a point where the urge becomes so great to let go of the things you used to stress about and that don’t serve you in order to grow, evolve, do better and be better. And for me, that’s where meditation has helped cause not stressing is NOT easy, it’s mental. Saying no, releasing the stress and all the expectations that come with motherhood HAVE to be part of that process.
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